WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

As many of you will know I have been writing my blogs for over six months now. But since the last blog I have just felt unable to put my thoughts down. I have been really broken by my ex partner who was so cruel to me and it has taken me some time to realise that he was not a nice person if he could behave with me the way he did. And I will continue to be kind to people and not let my heartbreak make me bitter.

Also My niece ,Laura, who was only 32 and the most gorgeous lady, with a fab sense of humour and warm hugs, died of cancer, leaving her husband and a sixteen month old son, along with the rest of my large family totally heartbroken. At the same time the Corona virus was beginning to take a hold across Europe. That meant that none of us could attend her funeral to say our goodbyes and to support her immediate family and that was very hard to deal with it made me feel so angry and powerless. She had a very small funeral but next year she is going to get the best sendoff ever with a great celebration of her life!!

The first Corona virus fatality in the UK was a seventy year old woman on the 5th of March. After that I started to feel increasingly anxious especially, as so many people I came in contact with were not taking the situation seriously and just seemed to think that we were ok and it was just some kind of flu that was only a danger to older people with underlying illnesses. My anxiety levels increased because I was questioning myself thinking am I just being a drama queen? how am I seeing so clearly what is coming our way and yet so many other people don't feel the same way. I could not focus and I stopped reading my book as I could not follow it because my mind was darting around all over the place worrying about the Corona Virus. And the last thing I could do was write a blog and wax lyrical about what is going on in my life.

Now we are all in the second week of lockdown. It is twenty six days since that first fatality and the country is seeing the reality of the situation. I am in my motorhome in Lancaster safe and sound thanks to a fab man who owns land near my sister's house, he has allowed me to stay put until it is safe to move on, plugged into electricity and using the showers. Thankfully my sister is down the road so I cycle past her house on my daily exercise cycle and even though I don't even see her or speak to her I feel reassured that she is so near. She even took a sneaky photo of me going past the other day because she spotted me!

I am still feeling very unsettled and I have that butterfly feeling in my stomach that something is going to happen but I don't know what or when. But I want to try and put my blog down to get some sense of normality.

 When I set off on my motorhome adventures in the middle of September 2019 I tagged my postings Shuvonshuvoff ( what could possibly go wrong!) thinking that I am prone to funny little mishaps in my life so I imagined recording some of them in the various posts along the way.

Little did I expect that I would be hit by a catalogue of things that could and would go wrong.
It just started to rain from the moment I put the motorhome into gear to set off and it has been relentless. September was the third wettest in the 124 years of recording the rainfall. And it carried on with most months seeing more than average levels of rain. There was extensive flooding all around the country so many camping sites were closed and I was having to change my plans at the last minute because I could not go to certain areas because of the flooding.

At Christmas I split from my partner of nearly two years because he said for him there was something missing, so I walked away devastated and totally floored. It took me a few weeks to regroup and I headed off up to Scotland where I let all my emotions go when I had a good scream by one of the remote Lochs and I felt much better.

The rain and snow continued battering the country. February surpassed itself, it had the wettest month on record. Just as Storm Ciara, Storm Dennis and storm Jorge had all lashed the country within the space of a few weeks. Literally causing my motorhome to sway in the 70 to 100 mile an hour winds when I was up in Scotland. I even phoned my brother to ask if it was possible for the motorhome to blow over!!
Thankfully he reassured me that it wouldn't. But the winds did manage to rip my bike cover and I had to resort to using all sorts of cagoules and bits of dustbin liners and string to try and keep the bike dry in the high winds and rain. It really took a battering.

Then of course the icing on the cake! I am no longer able to continue my adventures to challenge ageism and challenge stereotypes of pensioners in my motorhome because of the Corona Virus, A blummin Pandemic!! you could not make it up!! the one year I decide to hit the road the elements conspire to stop me in my tracks.

I have been addicted to social media following every twist and turn of what is happening in the country and across Europe especially in Italy where the death toll is so high. This resulted in me feeling quite scared and alone in my motorhome. Thankfully I have built up a nice tribe of women on social media and we message and support each other and exchange thoughts about ageism, beauty life and our experiences and advice on how to cope during lockdown. It has made me calmer and more able to face every day. And of course family and friends keep in regular touch checking I am ok on my own.

 I have been heading out on my bicycle daily because the government has permitted that as one form of exercise. I have been heartened by the way everyone seems to be smiling or saying hello as I cycle past. It is eerie with the streets being so empty and hardly anyone around but those that are are generally very friendly saying hello and smiling or moving to the other side of the road to keep a safe distance or acknowledging when I have cycled over to the other side of the road to ensure we are all safe. But of course there are always those who gripe and snipe about what side of the cycle path you are on or those that walk two abreast and refuse to move to let you pass safely, so you end up being too close and holding your breath as you cycle past as quickly as you can.

I have also discovered the virtual pub. I am in various little groups that call each other with a glass of something in hand and pretend we have met in the pub. I have not laughed so much in ages and it is great to connect. Saying that you cannot beat meeting up in person and hugging each other. I am really beginning to miss that physical contact. I am trying not to feel down with all this and I do succeed most days but there are darker moments. And as if on cue my sister messaged me on the phone with a little poster saying ,Physical distancing NOT social distancing, We need each other more than ever right now.
She has been such a support to so many of us in the family during this time and I cannot wait for all this to be over to really spoil her and let her know just how important a role she has played in keeping us all feeling safe. She often doubts what she does and I want to make sure that she is in no doubt that she is one of the nicest, kindest, people and for her family she really is an unsung hero.

I have done a lot of reflecting on my life during this last week and what I am doing and what I am hoping to achieve and it all seems so pointless at the moment until we know how this corona virus is going to pan out. I hope and pray that we really will see a change in society and our priorities when this is all over.
For years I have gone on about how we are losing perspective in life. We are all working hard to buy stuff that we don't really need. And because we are working long hours to buy this stuff we don't need! we do not have time to meet with family and friends ,so we are losing that human contact and fun! all for money and stuff!!  (I can just hear my daughter Sammy commenting on how many exclamation marks I am using!)

That was one of the main motivators for me to get rid of my flat and most of my STUFF and hit the road in my motorhome. I wanted to get out there and meet people and really have no plan but just to experience life and enjoy the moment and connect with people. And so far I have loved it. It has been hard at times but that is all part of the experience.