SCOTLAND YOU DID NOT DISAPPOINT

I have just had to pick up my car from my ex boyfriends, where I had been storing it during my travels, and taken it to my daughter in London so that she can use it when I am not needing it. This all reignited all my emotions surrounding my breakup. I stayed with some of my ex's friends who I had become friends with and they fed and watered me and kindly listened as I cried about how sad this all was.

I also said my goodbyes to his parents which was very upsetting as they have been so lovely to me.  I came away feeling so churned up but realising that I have to get on with things and not wallow in self pity. Life goes on and I am on the most amazing journey and I will not let this ruin things for me. Time is a good healer.

I got the train back up to Lancaster and parked up for the night in the certified location near my sisters.

 The next day I did a long two hour walk into the city, where I met up with my sister and she took me for a few drinks and to see some live music, which is food for the soul.

I was very tearful but it was just what I needed.  When we got in the car to go back to her house I suddenly realised that I had left my scarf in the pub. It was difficult to work out exactly how to drive back to where the last bar was we went to. So my sister was driving around for ages through all the little rat runs in the city until she worked out which one way street we needed to go up to get to the pub. I ran inside and asked if they had found the pink and purple Fat Face scarf. As I said the words I took hold of a scarf that was dangling round my neck and just inside my coat, and realised that that was the blummin scarf! I had had it on all the time!!!, my head was just scrambled with all my raw emotions I did not see it! Thankfully the landlord did not notice and he said he would look out for the scarf for me and put it behind the bar if he found it.
I made a hasty retreat and jumped into the car and came clean with my sister about what had just happened. Thankfully she was not cross that she had just spent ages going round and round in circles in the car to help me retrieve a scarf that was never lost in the first place! she just roared with laughter and so did I! it felt so good to laugh.

It was time to head up to Scotland. For years I had had this dream of just being beside a Loch and letting so many of my emotions out that I had not really faced up to throughout my life, like the death of my father when I was sixteen and my older brother and sister both dying of lung cancer both aged 53, and and so many more things in my life, including the death of my mother less than a year ago, and I really miss her.
When I spoke to people about my initial plans to travel around Great Britain in a motorhome that was one of the things foremost in my mind. Being beside a Loch in Scotland and just releasing all my inner stresses and tension. So what better time to do it than now when I am trying to mend a broken heart and be strong again.

I set off from my campsite in Lancaster and drove for nearly six hours along the M6 an A9.

The weather was crazy along the route, one moment the clouds were so low, then around the corner there was a bright blue sky and snow on the mountains. I love all the scenery on the A9 but I was relieved to get to Aviemore and the Glenmore campsite in the forest beside the beautiful Loch Morlich.

When I arrived they wanted me to park up in an area full of other campers. I explained to the woman at the checkin that I was looking for a really quiet spot as near to the waters edge as possible because I really needed some me time.
She got one of the guys who worked in the forest site to show me the perfect spot in the trees just a hundred yards from the edge of the Loch with electric hook up.

I was thrilled and it made the six hour drive up here all worth it!! I was so tired but I could not wait to go and stand by the side of the Loch.

What I saw did not disappoint me, it was breathtakingly beautiful and I felt so emotional and I knew what I needed was right here and I was looking forward to spending a week chilling and reflecting on the good and bad things in my life.

When I woke the next morning and pulled open the blinds in the Motorhome I was so happy to see the Loch through the trees.

Going to the shower block in the morning the clouds were so low down it was very atmospheric and the snow capped mountains were hidden from view. 

I didn't venture very far because I was just savouring my beautiful surroundings. I went for a long walk along the edge of the Loch. Thankfully there were not many people, those that were on the beach section of the Loch were walking their dogs. So I kept myself very much to myself, as I was deep in thought. I found a nice sized rock and plonked my bottom on that for a while and just watched the water ebbing and flowing onto the sand. I was not really focusing on much but I found it totally relaxing. I shed a few tears every now and then for various reasons and felt better for doing that. 

Eventually I walked slowly back to the motorhome and made myself a nice cup of tea, then wandered back to sit beside the Loch again with my cuppa. It was perfect, just what I had dreamt about for so many years. I felt at home and at peace just gazing into the distance.

After the sun had set and there was no-one around, I walked to a remote spot on the Loch and stood on the waters edge for about an hour just meditating and chanting. I began sobbing so much and felt a great sadness as well as a sense of release. I talked out loud to my mother about what I was feeling, how I was happy for some things and regretted other things and how I was coping. It was a very poignant moment for me and one that had been coming for a long long time. Afterwards I felt really calm and filled with a sense of optimism that life would be ok and that good things would happen for me.