LETTING GO.....GOOD TIMES AHEAD!

Since my last blog I have been blown away by the supportive and positive response from friends and family, as well as people who have just started to follow my blog. One friend called me up and when I answered the phone I heard her saying "he was F...ing punching above his weight love!! it makes me sad this has happened to you, you are such a lovely person" and that just made me laugh soooo much. It really has given me so much strength to pull myself together.

After visiting my sister in Lancaster I drove up to Coniston in the in Lake District and set up camp. My mother and father had their honeymoon in the Lake District. I have no idea where and it is just another question I would have loved to call my mother and ask her, but sadly she died last March, and I miss her so much.

When you arrive at a motorhome site to check in they show you a map of the site and you have to drive around and find a suitable pitch, then return to the office to tell them where you have decided to pitch your motorhome. They then give you keys to the toilet and a pass to get in and out of the site via the barrier.
It is a one way system, which I don't know why but I always find hard to relate to, even though they go to the trouble of pointing out in marker pen which areas the toilet blocks are situated in and where the water filling stations are etc.  This site was a bit more complicated because many areas were shut off because it is winter and less caravans and motorhomes are booking. The trouble started once I got through the barrier because I need my long distance glasses to see the pitch numbers, but also need my reading glasses to read the map. So as I get more and more stressed juggling glasses and the map I also lose all sense of direction and where I am. It was even worse this time because my head is feeling so scrambled with the break up of my relationship.  So in my confused state I found myself at a section that was cordoned off, so I had to do a three point turn, and I hit a post with the back corner of the motorhome and cracked it, I just burst into tears and sat there for a few minutes thinking I don't want to do this anymore it is just too hard. I wish I had someone to do it with me.

Then I pulled myself together found a pitch and sorted myself out. Thankfully the crack is not too bad, I will have to get it mended at some stage. But I am pretty sure it won't be the last time I know one of the back corners will be hit, as it is getting to be a pretty regular occurrence.

later in the day I walked though the woods down to Coniston Lake and spotted some deer just running around in front of me.

That made me feel so happy and then when I got to the sailing club and sat on a bench overlooking the lake I knew I had found a perfect spot to stay for a while and sort my head out.

A couple of days later My Sister-in-Law, Lorraine, came to visit me for a few days. We walked from the campsite into Coniston, which took us about twenty minutes. We wandered around the shops and popped into a pub for half a pint of the local brew.
As soon as we sat down, even though the pub was virtually empty a very strange couple approached and asked if they could sit at the same table as us by the fire. Wanting to be friendly we welcomed them warmly to sit at the table. But almost immediately we realised they were well oiled and had been drinking for a while. He was a lot older then her, and very quickly they were very chatty, she told us two of her ex boyfriends were in jail because of drugs but she was not involved. She had her market traders license and looked for trends and bought the product and sold it on markets. We just began to feel uneasy when they were asking us all kinds of questions about where we were staying etc. We felt we were being targeted but we did not know what for. So we made our excuses and left. They followed us out of the pub almost straight away. So we waited until they went in one direction and we found a pub in the opposite direction. No sooner had we sat down than they arrived. We pretended not to see them and watched them approach another couple of people and do the same with them. We also saw her order water then go into the loo and empty the glass then fill it with wine from a bottle in her bag!
They told us they had been in the Lakes a month and stayed at some very posh places. They had managed to make both myself and my sister-in-law feel uncomfortable, so we just decided without any real evidence, that they were up to no good. When we headed off home we kept turning round to make sure they were not following us. We laughed so much at all the various scenarios we came up with of what we thought they were up to. We felt like we were being targeted for something dodgy. We decided they were credit card fraudsters trying to distract us and steal our bags, or they were drug dealers and they were sussing us out to see if we wanted to buy anything...We were probably way off the mark, but it kept us laughing and busy working out what they could be doing.

All this detective work had made us pretty hungry so when we got back to my motorhome I cooked dinner. Spicy salmon fillets, vegetables and new potatoes and cheese and biscuits for desert.  We then   chilled and talked for hours (she was so patient, I kept crying as I went through ALL the details of why I was so heartbroken about my relationship ending, then I changed tac and decided I was glad we had split and clutched at straws to find negative things to say about him and our relationship to make me feel better about him not loving me.) and we drank lots of wine.

The next day we headed off to walk Old Man Coniston, we were blessed with the weather because all night it had been raining heavily. It was nippy but the sun had decided to come out and play.

This enhanced the beautiful views of the snow capped hills as we walked into Coniston and up the very, very, very steep Hill to the base of Old MAN CONISTON. We had such a great walk up and I felt so happy.

On the way down we found a pub and went in for a few beers and some fish and chips. Four hours later and a bit worse for wear, we set off back to the Motorhome.

There were no lights but it was nearly a full moon which made the walk across the fields and through the woods even more magical. We were trying to figure out all the star constellations with some app that Lorraine had on her phone and it played eery music at the same time. It was quite a surreal experience.

We had a slow start the following morning and a good egg sandwich breakfast to help the thick heads from the night before.  We then drove up the steep Hill near Old Man Coniston and went for another walk on the Coniston Fells.

 It started off being very misty and we nearly decided against going. But I am so glad we persevered because very quickly the clouds began to lift and the sun came out. We were treated to the most beautiful scenery. It was breathtaking.

I felt so good I decided that I really needed to do something symbolic to let go of the sadness inside of me. So I left Lorraine and climbed higher up one of the hills on my own and I found a Cairn( a man-made stack of stones) For many people, including me, rock stacking has carried spiritual meaning. Balancing the stone is patience and a physical effort of creating balance. Each rock signifies an intention of grace or thankfulness or offered up for another need. I decided to be thankful for the relationship I had had but now I needed the strength to let go and open up my heart to new beginnings and happiness.

I really felt a sense of release and I felt so happy walking back down.

When we got back to the car that feeling of happiness soon disappeared.  Lorraine's car had got well and truly stuck in the mud. It would not budge. A young couple came over and we pushed like mad but it just seemed to dig deeper into the mud. Lorraine then took a blanket out of the boot of her car and placed it in the mud in front of her back tyre. I was thinking "What the heck are you doing? you are going to ruin a gorgeous blanket and it is not going to make a blind bit of difference because the car is so entrenched in the mud!" well much to my surprise I had to eat my words. We all pushed again, this time rocking the car a little and it got traction on the blanket and drove gingerly out of the mud!! You learn something new every day! I would never in a month of Sundays thought of putting a blanket down in the mud to free a car from the mud!! Lorraine dropped me off in Coniston and she headed off  home to Harrogate.

 I walked home along the lake, again reflecting on my new found resolve to get stronger every day and embrace all my new adventures and not look back. I met up with a very friendly Robin along the way which a took as a spirit visiting to guide me.

And I even stopped under the trees by the side of Lake Coniston and did some meditation.

I got back and made dinner and popped out of the motorhome to try and see the full moon with a lunar eclipse, as I felt that would just give me even more peace. But sadly it was so cloudy I could not see a thing and not long afterwards the heavens opened and it started pour with rain.

I settled down to listen to some music and to write my blog and I have to admit, I did shed a tear as I wrote about letting go and looking forward ......but ... Rome wasn't Built in a day!!